Category Archives: Ode to Seagal (Action)

Bring back Affleck please!

Elektra (Widescreen Edition)

Year: 2005
Length: 104 minutes
Category: Action
Media: DVD
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Rating from : Unrated
UPC for dvd: 024543182641
ID in Amazon.com: B0007P0Y7C

Rating: 1 out of 5

Not to be undone by her husband, Jennifer Garner delivers a serious piece of spectorqular badness in this rousing epic about I’m not really sure what. [...]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Snakes on a Plane

Snakes on a Plane

Year: 2006
Director: David Ellis
ID in Amazon.com: B00005JP1D
Cast:
Neville Flynn: Samuel L. Jackson
Snakes: CGI
Rating: 5 out of 5

Since it’s only opened this weekend, I don’t want to give away too much of the SoaP plot or action, so I’ll just say this — obviously, with a title like Snakes [...]

Pulling the Trigger

Picasso Trigger

Year: 2001
Length: 99 minutes
Studio: Ventura Distribution
Rating from : R (Restricted)
UPC for dvd: 634991113229
ID in Amazon.com: B00005Q2ZW

Rating: 3 out of 5

There isn’t much to say about Picasso Trigger…the movie really speaks for itself. True B-movie filmmaking at its finest, complete with cheesy slow-mo death sequences, a curly mullet-wearing hero, [...]

Spectorqular Rule #371: when you need ass-kicking in a post-apocalyptic future, you call Milla Jovovich

Ultraviolet

Year: 2006
Director: Kurt Wimmer
Length: 94 minutes
Studio: Sony Pictures
Rating from : PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
UPC for dvd: 043396153752
ID in Amazon.com: B000FGGE68

Rating: 4 out of 5

Ultraviolet is a spectorqular 2006 surprise. From the time its trailers hit, I knew this one had big-time spectorqular potential. But trust me, bad movie [...]

Howie Long vs. the fake Canadians

Firestorm

Year: 1999
Length: 90 minutes
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Rating from : R (Restricted)
UPC for dvd: 086162104275
ID in Amazon.com: 6305364419

Rating: 4 out of 5

Wow. I can’t believe adults actually worked on this movie. Basically, generic 1990’s bad guy William Forsythe is in prison after robbing a train (what is this, a [...]

Don the Dragon — Not a Man to Be Trifled With

Bloodfist 2
IMDB
Length: 89 minutes
Category: Martial Arts
Studio: New Concorde
Rating from : R (Restricted)
UPC for dvd: 736991060166
ID in Amazon.com: B000087F27

Rating: 3 out of 5

Bloodfist 2 follows the formula of Bloodsport and so many other 1980’s martial arts films — an underground fighting ring leads to deadly consequences and (gasp) criminal elements, and [...]

Uwe’s Gold: Let Video Game Badness Rayne

Bloodrayne

Year: 2006
Director: Uwe Boll
Length: 94 minutes
Studio: Uwe Boll Productions
Rating from : Unrated
UPC for dvd: 855280001380
ID in Amazon.com: B000EQ5V8G

Rating: 3 out of 5

Forget the exploding blood a la Kill Bill Vol. 1. Forget the amazing performances by Michael Madsen, Ben Kingsley, Michelle Rodriguez, and Billy Zane. Forget the ridiculous [...]

Nothing Stealthy about this Spectorqular Gem

Stealth

IMDB
Year: 2005
Writer: W.D. Richter
Director: Rob Cohen
Length: 121 min
Category: Action
Media: DVD
Studio: Sony Pictures
Rating from MPAA: PG-13

Rating: 5 out of 5

Holy crap! Run, do not walk, RUN to your nearest DVD retailer and pick yourself up a copy of this bad boy. This movie kicks ass! I expected a [...]

The Spectorqular Freeze: Rules to Make More Cube-tastic Movies (Vol 1)

Inspired by HSX Research, we decided to offer our own consulting services to the studios. To executives at the studios, please feel free to use these… no charge.

#32 - At least 3 times in the movie, demonstrate a blatant lack of physics in your movie world.
#33 - Be extremely inconsistent with your rules about [...]

An Alias in Xenu’s Clothing

Mission: Impossible 3

IMDB
Year: 2006
Length: 126 Minutes
Category: Action
Cast:
Ethan Matthew Hunt: Tom Cruise
Rating: 2 out of 5

If you have watched Alias, then you have seen this movie. If you can get past Tom Cruise’s recent nuttiness, then this movie may be for you.
Basically, Felicity gets kidnapped but it is a double double-cross. [...]